So i'll start...
Yesterday was a really good, positive and successful day! Because I am not working at the moment, I suggested to my husband we go out for a drive after dinner. Not long after the journey started, I become very upset. After a good cry, my husband asked me "What has happened that made you upset?" I didn't answer, but I sat there for a while trying to think of what it was...
It turned out that earlier that evening, my husband didn't eat all of his dinner, but I did! I was beating myself up about finishing my dinner?! And then I had a yoghurt and some chocolates after... I want this mentality to go! I want to be in control of my eating! I want to be able to enjoy my meals, and finish my meals if I am hungry and not be beside myself, if others around don't finish theres!
After realising why I was so upset. All those horrible, cruel thoughts came flooding in. I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm worthless, I'm never going to beat this and these feelings + thoughts that I have?
It left me feeling exhausted! So exhausted that we came home and I went straight to bed, to watch some TV. After a while I became more relaxed.
It amazes me how I can be on such a high, being positive with everything in my life, appreciating everything that I have in my life, then like a switch everything can turn into a dark place. A dark place, where I want to hide from everyone, eat lots and inflict pain on myself. It's like I don't have control of my feelings. And this is something that really upsets me.
But you know what?! Today, I am going to try my hardest to remain positive and do some house chores, to keep me busy.
This can't beat me! I am one strong lady! And only I can beat this :-) xxxxxxxx
My tattoo I had a couple of months ago, I am finding myself looking at it a lot more lately!
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| I need to believe anything is possible! I have the POWER! |
