Upset, tearful, angry, jealousy, ashamed and remorseful!

As the title of this post says, at this moment in time I am feeling a mixture of emotions. I feel upset, I feel tearful, I feel angry, I feel jealousy, I feel ashamed and most of all I feel remorseful that I feel these certain emotions.

I feel upset that my brother in law and sister in law have given birth to their beautiful daughter today, their second child. I feel upset that its not me and my husband. I feel upset in the time that me and my husband have been trying, they have had 2 babies.

I feel tearful that I'm not a mummy. I feel tearful that I am faced with IVF, the weeks/months of injections, scans, procedures and the possibility that I may go through all of this and it may not even get me pregnant.

I feel angry that I am being faced with this. I am angry that me and my husband have been trying for a baby for almost 4 years, and not even a hint of a positive pregnancy test, NOTHING!

I feel intense jealously that there are so many people around falling pregnant and becoming mummy's around me, and there's nothing I can do about it! I have to hold other peoples newborn babies whilst inside I am crying like a baby myself! I want to be holding mine and my husband's baby! I want to be a mummy! I want this jealousy to go...

I feel ashamed that I cannot deal with my emotions about this! I feel ashamed, that although I am incredibly upset right now, I am not really allowing myself to cry, to cry buckets like I want too!

I feel remorseful that I feel these feelings about others. I don't want them to feel its directed at 'them' as such, because it isn't! It comes from my feelings surrounding my situation and I don't know how to deal with them...

I am sitting here sit with fear! Fear in the respect that I don't know what to do! I don't know what to do with myself, do I allow these emotions to keep stirring in my mind, and sit with them? Question them?
I feel an increased sense of emptiness! Pit of the stomach sickness! Shaky with emotions and fear! I feel an increased sense of shame and vulnerability right now!

I don't know where to turn as my husband is away with work. I feel like I just want to be by myself and be in my own company right now. Right this moment, I want to nourish and be kind to myself. But I am really struggling, so I am going to curl up on the sofa and have cuddles with my little Milo!